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Counselling & Coaching in Dorset

Counselling & Coaching in Dorset

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Trauma-informed Counselling in Dorset

Grounded in an understanding of how trauma affects the brain, body, and relationships. The focus is on safety, where healing naturally unfolds without re-traumatising you. Healing occurs when our minds and bodies are in sync. – where we can think more clearly and observe what’s actually going on in the moment, and respond appropriately. 

Trauma comes in many shapes and forms; hence, all counselling with me is within a trauma framework.

Some people find that time is a greater healer, especially if life in general is stable enough to allow them to heal.  However,  distressing experiences can continue to affect some long after the event has passed, depending on current life stressors, past relational patterns and how stress affects them in general.

However, time can appear to heal wounds, yet the pain merely lies dormant. The moment someone new enters your life, it resurfaces. Suddenly, you find yourself stuck in the same cycle, wondering why history is repeating itself.

Thinking and willpower alone struggle to break the cycle because our nervous system seeks connection and relief in the only way it knows until it learns what safe feels like and how to keep safe.

Common signs of trauma include flashbacks, being on edge or having strong physical reactions, struggling with sleep, or feeling numb and disconnected from themselves and the world around them.

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Trauma-Informed Framework

 
Therapy should always ground you and keep you in your safety and comfort zone. Physically and mentally, it shifts your body out of survival mode and into calm. Healing isn’t about fixing what is broken because nothing is broken; it is about uncovering the safe, authentic self that has been protected by defence mechanisms that served us well at times in our lives, but don’t need to be on guard or in control now unless there is a genuine need for them.
 
You do not need to talk about or describe past experiences at any point unless you wish to. You can talk about whatever you feel comfortable with. It may sound counterintuitive, but we are fundamentally helping your nervous system recognise safety so you can learn to trust yourself again.
 
Physical sensations can be terrifying, which is why some people find they can’t connect with any emotions because their nervous system has blocked access to them, while others may get flooded by intense feelings.
 
We always go at your pace, reconnecting you with the present and helping your mind and body recognise safety again—gently working with the different sides of you that were created to keep you safe, but keep you stuck now.
 
Understanding the Different Sides of You
 
We are not ignoring these inner voices; we are getting to know them and learning what they need to step back. When you feel caught in a painful loop, you might notice all these different sides of your experience operating at once among others:
  • The hopeful side wishing things will change
  • The doubting side fearing it never will
  • The fearful side worried you will be left alone or abandoned
  • The “not good enough” side believes there is something wrong or unlovable about you
  • The clinging side constantly adjusting who you are to maintain connection
  • The exhausted side wanting to shut down, go numb, or escape the pain
  • The carer side that recognises the other person’s pain and wants to help them
  • The critical side blaming you, leaving you feeling small, lost, and full of shame
These sides often lock together, creating the loop you feel stuck in.  Some agree, and some completely disagree with each other.  Fear of being abandoned triggers your nervous system, forcing the clinging or over-adjusting side to take over to keep the connection safe. Eventually, the exhaustion of constantly changing who you are can cause you to shut down or want to escape entirely, leaving the critical side angry and blaming you for the whole thing.
 
Together, we get to know all these conflicting sides and what they need to step back and trust your authentic self. 
 
Beyond the Cycle: Reclaiming Your Authentic Self
 
While these different sides can block access to your authentic self, they haven’t destroyed it; they are protecting it. The real you is still there, behind all the protection.
 
When your mind and body feel safe enough to let these defensive sides step down, you naturally reconnect with your true self. This is the part of you that is inherently:
  • Calm and grounded in the present moment
  • Compassionate toward your own struggles and pain
  • Clear about your boundaries and what you need
  • Connected to your values, needs, and personal goals
 
Building Your Braking System
 
You may find it helpful to use imagery, metaphors, visualisations, or grounding techniques to help you stay present—or distraction techniques that act like a brake if you experience intense feelings.
 
If you do tap into any sensations, we acknowledge them briefly but return quickly to your comfort zone. Ultimately, we are creating an effective braking system so that if a topic suddenly feels like too much, or if you need a moment, you can hit the brake—or I may step in if you can’t.
We can discuss what works for you when we meet.

 

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Fees

If you would like to chat about how counselling can support you, please get in touch to arrange an informal conversation.

Ready to take that first step?

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Nicky x

Anxiety Approved Therapist
Approved Vitality Health Insurance Provider